I am 33 years old and I’m scared. I think I am getting past that year where I’d have my dream family and kids. Each time I think of what I’ve been through in life and In the hands of men, I just wonder why humans can be so cruel.
The reoccurrences in my own case, makes me think I am cursed and need Devine intervention. I have been in serious relationships with 7 different guys and whenever it gets to the point where I think we can actually get married, something just comes up and spoils everything for me. I think I would never get married again.
When I was little, I always dreamt of when I would be 18 years old and have a man take care of me like my dad took care of my mum before he died.
My dad was a perfect representation of what I want to have in my life as a man. Sadly, I dont think there are men like him anymore.
I got my first experience as a young girl in senior secondary school. Just like every other girl, he was my prince charming. After several attempts to thirst from my pot, we broke up because I was too scared to try anything. My mother had warned me not to allow anyone close to that area else I’d get pregnant. So I was soo careful.
I cried when he broke up with me and started following another friend of mine. After a while, I got over it. I was never a flirt and i took things one step at a time.
I had my second experience after my secondary education, he also left after attempts to get to my paradise park failed.
My close friend told me I would never keep a man if I keep refusing them from eating my Adams apple. I wasn’t ready to keep letting go of all the men that came into my life so I obliged.
The third guy came and although it took a while but I finally allowed. He promised me heaven and Earth when he found out he was the first man that had me. We were young and didn’t know anything about life. After a while, we just grew apart. Again just like the others he left.
My first year in the university exposed me to Soo many guys who wanted one thing or the other. But I was still not given to Soo many. I met Frank. He was Soo cool. He was a focused man and I was determined too. At this point I knew any relationship I was to be in, should be one that would look towards settling down.
Frank and I studied together, played together, and had fun. Funny enough, he didn’t ask of anything I couldn’t give to him. He never wanted to sleep with me I guess because he never asked. But as a woman, I get tempted sometimes. And we did it eventually.
We talked about finishing school and getting married but that day never came. We splitted in our third year. We had a simple quarel and we couldn’t fix that because he said he was fed up after much begging. I pleaded with him because I loved him Soo much but he refused.
Guess he moved on Soo early as I soon started seeing him with another lady. I vowed I was never going to let anyone else Hurt me again. I guess there is always another one that would come and make you forget the last one.
In my final year I met another guy Vincent whom I thought this was the guy. He was there for me, he was already working and not a student like me so he took care of most of my problems. He told me he was waiting for me to just finish School so we could get married.
I could freely visit him at home and spend the weekend while he came also to see me in school most times. I was very careful and never wanted to loose this one. He was everything to me. After six months of dating, I had the biggest surprise in my life one day when he took me out. While we were eating, I went to the ladies to ease myself and before I came back, the table was changed and a proposal was on it.
Would you marry me? The question was clearly staring at me when I got back. I thought I was dreaming because I was just 25 years old then and I would be leaving in my dreams. So I thought. When I raised my head, he was already kneeling. I gladly said yes and stretched out my fingers. I went home very happy that day, I couldn’t sleep out of excitement.
I went to his house few weeks later and there he was eating another woman up. The door wasn’t locked and even if it was, I had an extra key. I felt he would be at work and I had gone to cook for him before he returned from work. I guess I wasn’t good enough for him after all, so I threw his ring at him and I left.
After Vincent, I’ve had three other relationships that went close to getting married but none of them ever did. There was always one issue of unfaithfulness or betrayal. All the men are usually really nice until they have eaten the forbidden fruit. They just become unbelievably rude and aggressive.
The very last experience I got is still haunting me. When I caught him red handed, he told me he was just helping me service my engine because he can’t marry me. He needs a sweet sixteen to warm him up. I cried all night and didn’t believe it. He said he needed to clear his system of my blood after meeting with me. I left and never went back and he never called me or even appologised.
I have come to the conclusion that maybe I’m cursed. Usually things are fine until they have done everything with you, then they would leave. Maybe marriage is not for all of us then, I have lost all hope. Maybe i would just look for someone and pay them to get me pregnant, then have a child and take care of that child.
